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Personalized Safety Plan for Adults
The following steps represent a plan to increase your safety and prepare in advance for the possibility of future violence. Although you do not have control over your partner’s violence, you do have a choice about how to respond to him/her and how to best get your children and yourself to safety.
STEP 1: Safety during a violent incident
You cannot always avoid violent incidents. In order to increase safety, those being abused may use a variety of strategies. You can use some or all of the following strategies:
- Decide and plan where you will go if you have to leave home (even if you don’t think you will need to).
- Practice how to get out of your home safely. Identify doors, windows, elevator or stairwells that would be best.
- Have a packed bag ready and keep it at a relative or friend’s home in order to leave quickly. Use the checklist on this site to help you decide what is important to take with you.
- Identify one or more neighbors you can tell about the violence and ask them to call the police if they hear a disturbance coming from your home.
- Devise a code word to use with your children, family, friends and neighbors when you need the police.
- If you believe an argument/incident is going to occur, try to move to a room or area where you have access to an exit. Stay away from any weapons, the bathroom, kitchen, garage, bedroom or other rooms without an outside door or window.
- Use your own instincts and judgment. If the situation is very dangerous, do whatever is necessary to be safe. This may mean giving the abuser what he wants to calm him down.
- If necessary, call for help. Dial “0” or “911”.
- Teach your children how to dial “911” and explain to them it is okay for them to call.
*Always remember – You Do Not Deserve To be Hit, Threatened, or to Live In Fear!
STEP 2: Safety when preparing to leave
Battered individuals frequently leave the residence they share with the battering partner. Leaving the situation must be done with a careful plan in order to increase safety. Batterers often strike back when they believe their partner is leaving the relationship.You can use some or all of the following safety strategies:
- Open a savings account and/or credit card in your own name to start to establish or increase your independence. Think of other ways in which you can increase that independence.
- Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents, extra medicines and clothes with someone you can trust so you can leave quickly.
- Determine who would be able to let you stay with them or lend you some money.
- Keep the shelter or hotline number close at hand and keep some change or a calling card on you at all times for emergency phone calls. Remember if you use a phone that keeps track of your calls your batterer may be able to trace your whereabouts through these records.
- Review your safety plan with your children and rehearse it. In case of an emergency they will feel better prepared and know what is expected of them.
- Review your safety plan as often as possible in order to plan the safest way to leave your batterer.
*Remember – Leaving Your Batterer Is A Very Dangerous Time!
STEP 3: Safety in my own residence
There are many things that you can do to increase your safety in your own residence. It may be impossible to do everything at once, but safety measures can be added step by step. Safety measures you can use include:
- Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible. Buy additional locks and safety devices to secure your windows.
- Install an outside lighting system (motion light) that lights up when someone walks nearby.
- Install additional locks, window bars, and poles to wedge against doors. If possible invest in a security system.
- Purchase rope ladders that can be used for escape from second floor windows.
- Discuss a safety plan with your children for when you are not at home.
- Tell your children’s day care, school, etc., who has your permission to pick up the children.
- Notify your neighbors and landlord that your partner no longer lives with you and that they should call the police if they see him near your residence.
- Install smoke detectors and purchase fire extinguishers for each floor of your house or apartment.
STEP 4: Safety with a Protective Order
Many batterers obey protective orders, but no one can ever be sure which violent partner will obey a protective order and which will violate them. Recognize that you may need to ask the police and the courts to enforce my protective order. The following are steps that you can take to help the enforcement of my protective order:
- Keep your protection order on you at all times. Give a copy to a trusted neighbor, family member, or clergy person. Keep a copy in the glove compartment of your car. If you change purses/wallets/car have another copy available in additional places.
- Call the police if your batterer violates the protection order.
- Think of other ways to keep safe until law enforcement arrives.
- Inform work, family, friends, neighbors, or your physician that you have a protection order.
- Remember, if you think you no longer need the protection order; ask the court to remove it.
- If your spouse/partner destroys the copy you can obtain another copy through the clerk of the court.
STEP 5: Safety on the job and in public
Each battered woman/man must decide if and when they will tell others that their partner has battered them and that they may be at continued risk. Friends, family and coworkers can help to protect battered individuals. Each woman/man should consider carefully which people to invite to help secure their safety. You might do any or all of the following:
- Tell your co-worker(s), boss, and/or office and building security about your situation. Prove a picture of your batterer if possible.
- Arrange to have an answering machine, caller ID, or co-worker screen your telephone calls if possible.
- Devise a safety plan for when you leave your work. Have someone escort you to your car and wait with you until you are safely on your way. Use a variety of routes to go home, make your moves unpredictable. Think about what you would do if something happened while going home. Carry a cell phone.
- Go to different grocery stores, businesses, and banks if possible. If this is not possible, change the time and day in which you go shopping.
STEP 6: Items to take when leaving
If you leave your partner, it is important to take certain items with you. Some people also give an extra copy of papers and an extra set of clothing to a friend just in case they have to leave quickly. When you leave, the following is an example of items you should take. These items might be best placed in one location, so that if you have to leave in a hurry, you can grab them quickly.
IDENTIFICATION:
·Driver’s License
·Identification for myself
·Children’s birth certificates
·Your birth certificate
·Social Security cards
·Work Permits/ VISA
FINANCIAL:
·Money
·Checkbook, ATM or debit card
·Credit cards
·Public Assistance Documentation
·Tax Return from previous year
·Pay Stubs from your employment
·Loan Information
OTHER IMPORTANT ITEMS:
·Keys – house, car, office, etc.
·Your Protection Order
·Lease, rental agreement, or house deed
·Car Registration and insurance papers
·Medical Records for you and your children
·Vaccination Records
·Divorce papers
·Custody papers
·Medications
·Important Phone Numbers
You may believe that your children are not aware of the abuse in your relationship. The reality is that children are almost always aware of the abuse and become afraid for their parent and themselves. Rather than increasing a child’s fear, talk to them about their feelings. Help your child develop their own personal safety plan; this will actually increase their sense of safety and control over the situation.
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